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Challenges of being married - 3/13/2010 9:30:42 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3172
Joined: 12/11/2007
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I was reading in the Singles forum and noticed that maybe a lot of singles have this expectations that marriage is all beds of roses. I'd like to ask the married people in the forum, especially those that have good marriages:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
_____________________________
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Psalm 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/13/2010 12:30:43 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 776
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When I hear "good" marriage, I consider that to mean grounded in God. I married as a young, immature christian not grounded in God's word so I went thru the missing my single days. I'd prayed for a husband several years prior but by the time God's timing kicked in I didn't want to be married so I rebelled. The biggest challange was submitting to God. I suffered for that. As I began to develop my relationship with Him my attitude began to chane but it's taken time.
The difference in my marriage though, is astounding. When our focus and desire became God's will our marriage relationship grew by leaps and bounds(and that's amidst all of the work that's still needed  ).
Have I wanted to give up? So many times
Do I mourn being single? It's tempting to believe it'll be easier sometimes without the challenges but It's not what I want
The greatest challenge? Enduring those times of differences (in opinions, personalities) and those issues that arise from childhood, working thru insecurities and learning to trust each other and grow in communication.
Overall(we've been together 18 years married 11)we are best friends and we've seen God give us abounding, amazing grace. We've both wanted to give up and God hasn't let us. So sometimes we live far above our feelings and God's grace takes over!
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What a mighty God we serve!
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/13/2010 4:09:50 PM
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crazedmom
Posts: 12669
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Great questions!
Challenges? ... My dh and I will celebrate 15 yrs. of marriage in June & yes, we've had our share of challenges, for sure! We are from two different cultures (He's Asian & I'm Caucasian), so from that standpoint alone - early on, we had to adapt to one another's differences. He's a major risk taker (financially) & I like safe choices. That has definitely been an area that required adjustment on my part. I have grown a lot over time and come to trust his decisions. He's learned to place more value on my opinions too and take them into consideration more. All of this comes with time, experiences, growth, prayer and hindsight is 20/20!
Ever felt like giving up? ... Yes! But, never really seriously. We had a rough spot somewhere around year 7 or 8. I think sometimes you reach a point of complacency. Marriage is like any other relationship. You get out of it what you put in. Nuture it and it will feed you.
Spouse annoy you enough to think single life was better? ... Anybody can be annoying. Dh is no exception. I'm annoying at times too, certainly. But, I've kind of gotten used to havin' him around; so I'll keep him. :) I love being married and I love being married to dh, so no, I'll take being married over single, annoyances and all. :)
Did I mourn the loss of independence? ... No. I was 25 when I got married, so I'd had my time of being alone and doing my own thing. Plus, dh is not the smothering type. I feel perfectly free to go and do the things I enjoy and pursue my interests. Now, three kids later...I'm kind of looking forward to an empty nest at this point; but that's another topic, I guess... :)
Is Married Life Easy? Yes and No. Maintaining any relationship requires work; but it doesn't have to be extremely difficult either. Hopefully even many years later, you remember what attracted you, the values you share, the dreams you dream together, etc... and you can rally around those common grounds even when life is hard. Life can be challenging and it can be awesomely wonderful! It's what we make it.
I have to say that 15 years later, my dh and I are more in love today than ever and we are excited about our future together! He is the love of my life because he loves God, he loves his family, he is a good provider, he's wise, he loves to share God's love with the lost and so much more. He really is a gift from God to me and I am thankful for him.
< Message edited by crazedmom -- 3/13/2010 4:31:56 PM >
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/13/2010 9:01:04 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 1117
Joined: 11/28/2005
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quote:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
*Challenges - living in another country, not finding friends here, travel expense, health setbacks etc.
*Spouse annoys/irritates - yes this happens from time to time. There are times when I annoy him also... sometimes I think being single is better... until I remember how my single life really was and all the time I was alone and very lonely - not too mention that I had to work 2 jobs for such a long time.
*I haven't lost my freedom or independence.
*Married life isn't easy and a lot of the singles who get married find that out within the first year.
*What married life is like... two individuals learning to become one... managing personality clashes, likes/dislikes, setting healthy boundaries with each other and others, learning to problem solve, staying within the family budget, forgiving your spouse when he/she totally blows it. Learning to apologize, learning to love more and fuss less, growing spiritually together, allowing your spouse to have personal space - that's just somethings that come to mind at the moment - there's so much more!
< Message edited by jaimestarcross -- 3/13/2010 9:09:42 PM >
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/13/2010 10:03:22 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 1381
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quote:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
We married in our early 30's so we were both a bit set in our ways. My brother became very sick and died in the first year of our marriage. It was a long illness and put my family through alot of heartache. His mother is very jealous of our relationship. I gave up a career and we had two children close together.
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Nope
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Yes we annoy each other but I never thought being single would be better.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
I did not lose my freedom or independence. I gained a best friend that shares the adventure of life with me.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Nope, if it is done right you both have to grow alot, unlearn little selfish things you never even realized, put someone else above yourself, learn to compromise, learn to get along when you are both hurt, exhausted, scared, etc. But it is the best thing in the world when you put your marriage in God's hands and both put the other partners well being first.
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
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Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/14/2010 1:09:38 PM
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WasLostAmFound
Posts: 547
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalm_40
I was reading in the Singles forum and noticed that maybe a lot of singles have this expectations that marriage is all beds of roses. I'd like to ask the married people in the forum, especially those that have good marriages:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
Challenges...oh man...there have been a lot of them...issues with X's, employment, education, children, among many, many others.
Giving up...Oh yes! Our marriage has been pushed to the breaking point more than once
Single is better...yes! There were times...
Freedom and independence...I'm still VERY independent.
Married life is NOT easy...
Our marriage has been tested by fire many, many times....yet...12 years later, we're still here and still together. We're working on it every day. It's still, in many ways, a day by day, minute by minute decision to stay together. We've decided, that since our marriage is probably better than its ever been, to renew our vows this fall on our 12th anniversary.
My ideal partner? Anybody willing to put up with me. I'm not "suzy homemaker", I'm more career-oriented, still would love to finish my degree, VERY glad that my child raising years are drawing to an end...I guess I'm not a very "traditional" wife. I don't like the whole submission/obedience to my husband thing. He's not my father...we're equals...and I don't "take orders" very well.
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Formerly known as NotDoneYet...but...God had other plans!!!! My new blog... http://retirednavywife.wordpress.com/
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/14/2010 5:16:27 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2688
Joined: 9/26/2007
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What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
1. financial problems and resulting poverty for many years (God bless Dave Ramsey!)
2. my emotional baggage from previous abuse
3. both of us: lack of knowledge how marriage works
4. both of us: lack of knowledge how owning property works
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Many times. There's a reason we take vows! 
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Sure. But I never took any steps in that direction; I had taken vows.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Occasionally. We sometimes want what we don't have (grass-is-greener syndrome). But it would be stupid for me to try to go back; I'd have to abandon my family and get an unrighteous divorce.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Marriage is work and constant maintenance. It's a joy and it's a pain. It means someone is more important than you, and they leave their socks on the floor and they wake up with bad breath. But the path of nobility often goes through self sacrifice.
God works in and through single people, but He runs you through a meat grinder to sanctify you pretty early in marriage. You have to give up the love relationship you have with self if you didn't already as a single.
Nights of walking the floor with a screaming infant are forgotten as you talk heart-to-heart to your teenager and see the wisdom and warmth and sanity there. Yes, teens can be wise! And sane! All it takes is pouring yourself into them for a couple of decades, and pouring your heart out to God at the same time. If God gives grace, then you won the lottery.
It's kind of like the guy in the circus who spins all those plates on sticks; lots of things going on at once.
Here's the deal: the Bible teaches us all kinds of things about marriage (husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the Church and DIED for her; wives, respect your husbands. Submit to him. Big jobs). Add to that what God tells us about relating to the family in Christ, which your mate also is. Add to that raising godly children and relating to them as family in Christ, too. It's a big job. It's hard work, a woman's husband is usually at work or asleep or concerned about something besides her feelings, but there are major things that make it all work well. Births. Birthdays. Weddings. Graduation. Good test scores. First steps. First words. First Tooth. First job.
It's a ministry, and it will wear you out and use you up. But it's an investment because it's about people, and God cares most about people. Easy? No. Worthwhile? Can be. A single can pour themselves into people, too; depends on how God calls you.
Either way, a life following God and ministering to people is the best life there is, however you do it. May God give you wisdom and love.
Edit: you asked about the challenges. I didn't tell you that my husband is my best friend, and I'm so grateful to God for him. We're not perfect <waits for good-natured guffawing to die down> but God is working on us, and frankly every year together is better than the last. We are blessed. :D :D# (<- beard)
< Message edited by deermousie -- 3/15/2010 11:21:53 PM >
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Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/14/2010 7:19:04 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 336
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
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quote:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Two people with faults trying to become one
in-laws
several bouts of unemployment and the resulting financial challenges
children and the disagreements about how to raise them
trying to maintain a relationship with each other while juggling children, jobs and life
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
NEVER
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
He has never done anything to cause me to go down such a drastic path and hopefully he would say the same.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
I married young (20) but no, I never felt like I lost freedom or independence. I mostly felt like we gained freedom and independence together if that makes sense.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
I think for us it has been fairly easy but I wonder if you aren't setting yourself up for disappointment by believing this going into marriage.
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
We have a really good marriage. He is my best friend. Yes we fight but at the end of the worst day I would much rather face tomorrow with him than without him.
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I am my husbands #1 fan!
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/14/2010 7:37:14 PM
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Galilee
Posts: 52
Joined: 4/22/2005
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quote:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Okay, a couple of notes. We have been married for 16 years. I have said this repeatedly (maybe not here, but it is kind of my anthem) I could have scoped the earth looking for a spouse, and I am convinced I would find no one better than the woman I am lucky enough to be maarried to. Is that "good enough" for you?
Now, on to the questions:
Challenges:
Opening up a business together. It takes tons of time away from both of us (and our kids), and drains energy. Plus, the financial struggles of the business (and the personal debt we took on to open it) are downright nerve wracking.
Felt like giving up? On the business, yes, on the marriage, no. The closest we had to that was one time she went on vacation with the kids, and I stayed and worked. Usually when that happens, the house is completely clean top to bottom when she gets back. I told her I didn't really want to do that, she said "then don't". She came back, I didn't clean it, and she was livid. She actually said she wasn't sure she wanted to be married, but quickly retracted it.
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better"? No way. As I told people at the time, when I first really realized WHY I wanted to marry my wife, it was becasue there was nothing I wanted to do, nowhere that I wanted to be, that I didn't want her with me. The thought of being alone for the last 16 years would NOT be appealing in any way, shape or form.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence? Not at all. I'd rather have someone to go through life with than do it on my own any day.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about? I would say it is easy, but you have to work at it, and that is not an oxymoron. Think of it this way. I banged my knee on ice 2 months ago. It still hurts. I finally got it looked at. I went to one physical therapy session, and they gave me some exercises to do between sessions. If I do them, I will heal faster, if I don't it may never completely heal. If I don't to them, I could complain to the physical therapy people that what they are doing isn't working, but the fact is, I have to do my part as well.
A couple of other notes. My wife's language of love (great book, btw) is acts of service. Mine is encouraging words. We often joke about the fact that because her hands hurt a lot, she hates putting gas in her car. Well, if I notice her car is gettting low, I will take it out and fill it without telling her. The next time she starts her car, she sees it is full, and she calls. She says "you are the best huband ever", to which I say "I know." She gets her acts of service, I get my encouraging words, and everyone is happy. Find things that compliment each other.
The other thing is communication is the key. I don't know how many of you saw the "For Better or for Worse" cartoon in today's paper, but the husband says his friend wants to go to a sports bar to go watch a game. He invites her, and she says "oh, no, we'd need a sitter, I'm not big on sports, you just go." He says "are you sure, because I'll stay home if you want me to", she insists he goes, and as soon as he walks out the door, she is all irritated that he left. I showed my wife that and said "you wouldn't be like that, huh?", and she said "Nope, I would just say, there's too much to do, you can't go." If you say everything is fine, it better be. In fact in our pre-marital counseling, we listed 25 expectations, and communication like that for me was #2. (and, no, sex was not #1).
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Change is inevitable, growth is optional.
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/14/2010 9:35:10 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2026
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quote:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
What type of challenges have we NOT overcome would perhaps be the more appropriate question after nearly 35 years together. Challenges happen to all of us it seems so the longer we live, the more challenges we will face. We were married quite young, 19 and 20. So the first challenge was our immaturity! And that is huge. Plus we were both college students so we had the added challenges of figuring out what we were going to do with our lives and working to support ourselves. Financially we did well. We worked and saved and got out of school with little debt.
Then it became the question of what comes next, after college. We ended up in a place where my husband pursued his career and I did not. So then I had to find my place in life. We began our family but ended up with only one child (another part of 'the challenge').
Illness began for me and I found out (first) that I had fibromyalgia and later multiple sclerosis, both chronic and potentially very life disturbing illnesses. But the Lord used this time to draw us back to Himself and for that, we are very thankful.
Moves, the death of my parents, business challenges, my husband's developing celiac disease, change of career for him, advancement in his career with greatly multiplied stress to name a few of the challenges.
Raising our son brought some challenges as well, of course, but he has done well and we are so thankful for all the Lord has done in our lives! We wouldn't trade any of the challenges for they are the very instruments the Lord used to grow us closer to Himself and conform us to His image.
quote:
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
When we were younger, especially during the college years, probably. But we persevered because of the promises we had made and the Lord's hand on us.
quote:
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
I can't say no because there is still flesh that I deal with within. So, yes, I did have those thoughts in the earlier years. But my father (who I greatly loved and revered) had spoken strong words of wisdom to me upon my marriage. Those words reverberated within and kept me faithful until my relationship with the Lord grew to have preeminence within. 
quote:
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
For me, the mourning came when I could not pursue my career. My husband chose (selfishly, which he readily admits) his path and that left me without many options. But the Lord had a different plan for my life. And He has and is accomplishing it.
quote:
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Personally I do not know how easy singles think marriage may be. But if they do think marriage is 'easy', they are wrong. It is NOT easy. But is is definitely wonderful to share your life with someone. Our son is an added blessing. Your spouse becomes the person God most uses to crucify your flesh and change you from glory to glory. Easy? Not at all. But oh so worth it! I am blessed and very thankful. LL
Edited to add:
As I thought about this thread and the things I have shared, I just want to say that these momentary, light afflictions we are calling 'challenges' are producing for me (and all who love the Lord) an eternal weight of glory far beyond comparison. We must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and He makes all the difference.
< Message edited by Liveloved -- 3/15/2010 11:53:08 AM >
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/15/2010 1:20:40 AM
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serasvictoria
Posts: 544
Joined: 7/10/2009
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What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage? My main challenge was sharing my junk food. LOL
Were there times when you felt like giving up? Sometimes I throw my hands in the air in defeat, but I'd never give up.
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better? I may think that jokingly, but I couldn't imagine life without him.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence? Not at all. I like someone worrying over me and to be honest, I haven't lost my freedom and independence.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about? It's as easy as you want to make it.
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Ghosts Were People Too
Christian By Choice, Southern By the Grace of God
www.facebook.com/toriramone
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/15/2010 1:47:02 PM
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Coffee_Drinker
Posts: 231
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalm_40
I was reading in the Singles forum and noticed that maybe a lot of singles have this expectations that marriage is all beds of roses. I'd like to ask the married people in the forum, especially those that have good marriages:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
Been married almost 30 years. Hasn't always been easy. Almost divorced a couple of times. God (and I mean GOD) kept us together.
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
I'm not going to be gender specific with the things one or both of us had to overcome.
Jealousy was a big one - almost divorced over this. It was to the point that one couldn't even go to the store to get a loaf of bread without getting questioned as to every more.
Meddling parents and in-laws. For some reason some parents and some in-laws think they know all the specifics of all the problems we encounted. They didn't. When these wives here talk about "cleaving with your spouse" listen to them. It goes both ways. You belong to your spouse now. Your parents should "respect" your space. Unfortunately some don't so it is up to you to "show them" where their place is.
Bring work home. Don't do this. If you have a bad day at work - leave it at work. Yes, it can be really hard sometimes, but do your best. Your spouse may have had a really good day and there is no reason to make them miserable too (even though misery may want some company). Don't take their happiness away from them. Smiling faces are contagious - try to focus on that.
Control. Takes two to make a marriage work. I'm the husband and do I have the final say all the time? Ha! I learned not to be so arrogant and dumb (not necessarliy in that order). Your wife is one smart cookie and you can bet she has an intuition that you've never even though of before. So before all that testerone swells up and clouds that big brain - open those ears and listen. Your marriage can be in a really good balance if you work together.
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Yes. Both of us. For us it was stress of life. We got side-tracked by trying to help so many other people that we lost sight of each other and almost divorced because of it. God pulled us out of that hole by making us realize that we are not the keepers and problem solvers of other adults. Most people want to do good for family members, but when it interferes in your life and your marriage. That's where you need to draw the line. People WILL take advantage of your kindness.
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
It's been a long time to think being single is better. Easier - yes. Better? Nah. My single life stunk. It was lonely and boring. Work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep. Ptah. Do we get on each others nerves? Oh yeah, without a doubt. Sometimes it's funny. Just the other week my wife was all bent out of shape over something (I don't even remember what it was now). She was ranting and I was laughing. Next thing you know she's laughing. She does it to me too. The old saying that "laughter is the best medicine" - it really is.
Just don't try to be annoying - to do that IS annoying. Immature too.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
No. Speaking for myself. I didn't have a life anyway so married life sounded like a pretty good option for me. My wife? I have no idea. She's a member of this forum too so maybe she'll respond.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
No. I like earthtone colors and she likes blues, greens, reds and all sorts of other colors that I'm not crazy about. I like baked potatoes and she likes mashed. She gets all hurt when I don't post to her Facebook page when I couldn't care less about Facebook.
The honeymoons over in a few months then real life sets in. There's two of you now and neither one is perfect. Keep God first in your marriage and first in your life. It's not easy, I wish it was. I think we did okay, but I can honestly say (and see) that had we kept God first in our almost 30 years our marriage would've been better - much better. Hindsights 20/20 and stupidity is just plain blind.
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/15/2010 3:29:41 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3172
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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I'm actually very encouraged with everyone's response. I'm even more sure that marriage is something I want to do. I like the challenges, and I like how Livedloved put it.
_____________________________
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Psalm 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/15/2010 4:54:12 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 251
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage? Not that many in the first 4 years, honestly. I guess just learning to communicate better (although that was never a big problem in the first place) and learning each other's preferences about things.
Were there times when you felt like giving up? Never.
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better? Not even close. There was never a time that I wished to be single again.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence? Not for a single moment. I was 32 and plenty ready to be married.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about? In my case, and this is the honest truth, it has been WAY better than I ever imagined during my many years of singleness. We were both so ready to be married and both just wanted to make the other as happy as possible. Marriage is awesome. I'm thankful for mine every day.
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Andrew Timothy arrived 6/5/10
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/18/2010 2:13:22 PM
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sjsdianne
Posts: 2
Joined: 3/18/2010
Status: offline
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heck no. It is hard work. especially if you have the goal of staying married.
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/18/2010 10:16:48 PM
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pwfaith
Posts: 253
Joined: 3/18/2010
From: NC
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Good questions - we've been married 10 years and we have 5 kids, while it's not all been challenging to us, we've had our moments!
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
A few months after we got married I thought he had cheated on me. We were young and he was dumb (his words! ) Long story short, he didn't but a lot of young/dumb moves made it seem so. It took him a long time to regain the trust though. I was also pregnant and didn't know it at the time, so a lot of emotions going on there. We got pregnant after just being married 5 month (we only knew each other a yr when we got married). Another challenge, he worked 2 jobs - M-F from 8am-5pm, and TH-T 6pm-10pm. So basically he was only home Sat/Sun morning/afternoon and Wed nights. Our 2nd came along 18 months later. His day job had a ****py boss - many of our checks bounced or we'd have to wait weeks without getting paid. Then he went active in the Marines. Moved from GA to PA. He deployed when I was 8 months pg with our 3rd. And as I said we have 5 kids lol I think our BIGGEST challenges have been 1) learning how to mess 2 completely different backgrounds. We were both raised entirely different - so that came into play anytime we got angry, fought, just day to day expectations of each other, how we communicated, how we handled our frustrations (I'm bottled it, how my family was and his family was more the type if it entered your brain it came out your lips, neither very good ways of dealing with issues really). 2) parenting - we don't always agree but we try to always look like we agree infront of the kids - not always easy when you REALLY don't agree 3) know when to say something and when to just keep it to yourself. I write a LOT of letters that he never sees 4) selfishness - I usually do not have problems with submission but there are times when boy my selfishness takes over and all it takes is for him to nicely ask for a glass of water and I hear myself (not outloud) saying "get your own dang water, blah blah blah, grrr". He can be condescending and critical at times, again back to how we were raised - not some I was use to at all but thankfully through the Holy Spirit and prayer we can gently approach each other and tell the other when their being selfish and overly critical.
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Yes but they were fleeting and it was usually in a moment of rage on my part, and the Holy Spirit was always in there saying "oh Sarah, you really don't mean that" and I knew in my heart he was right
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
No not really. When I was single I always wanted to get married. Usually when I'm so angry and annoyed I just want to leave, it's just temporary and I know that in my heart. He's my best friend. I can't imagine going out without him. I do have friends (girl friends) I just really love being with him.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Not from being married, but I did after having kids at some points. We got married after only knowing each other a year and then got pg in just 5 months, with pretty much another kid every 18months-2 yrs after. Sometimes I do wish we'd waited longer to have kids and could have just enjoyed 'us' for a bit longer, but that's rare.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Yes and No. Depends on the single person I guess. It's certainly not all peaches and cream all the time. And it is a lot of work. You have to be determined and trusting. Sounds easy at first until something happens. I think like with parenting, marriage can often bring out the best AND the worst in us that we may have never seen before. It's a "whole new world" which can be both fun, exciting and beautiful but it can also be scary, painful and dark at times. IMO it's how you work through those times that means the most.
_____________________________
Sarah - wife to 1 and mommy to 5
http://proverbs-women.org
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RE: Challenges of being married - 3/20/2010 7:49:07 PM
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PeterD
Posts: 859
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalm_40
I was reading in the Singles forum and noticed that maybe a lot of singles have this expectations that marriage is all beds of roses. I'd like to ask the married people in the forum, especially those that have good marriages:
What type of challenges did you have to overcome through your marriage?
Were there times when you felt like giving up?
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better?
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence?
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?
Give us some realistic view of what married life is like, even to your ideal partner....
Hello Psalm_40
Jessica and I were married on June 21, 2008 from 3:00 pm to 3:45 pm, (21 months tomorrow) after we kissed the pastor then presented Jessica and I to the Church (LCMS) and our invited guests as husband and wife!!! What a day that was for us and even today with all that I'm in with Jessica, I believe this Love is growing between Jessica and myself more now than when I first met her.
What type of challenges am I facing in this marriage? My challenge is to not talk to much theology.
Were there times when you felt like giving up? Just today, Both of us have a head cold, stuffy runny noises aches and pains etc.. But giving up no it's not that bad. Psalm 40:1-17 is so true for this question of yours.
Were there times when your spouse annoys/irritates you that you start thinking being single is better? It didn't like my single life it was lonely...no one to talk to but even now I have to tame my tongue but it is better being married than being single I think.
Did you mourn your loss of freedom and independence? I mourn about not having any money available because it is all for my wife and I now. But it is a good mourning I think.
Is married life really as easy as a lot of singles seem to think about?Since I payed attention to my family and friends relationships for myself I would say I new what I was getting into. And wasn't prepared financially but getting there.
There is so much more to find in this marriage, I hope Jessica and I are ready for more...Luke 16:10
10 "One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.
Peter Daniel
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MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT 
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