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Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 5:14:56 AM
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roblut4377
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Is it appropriate for a male and female to discuss sex and each others sexual likes and dislikes in a relationship?
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 6:31:58 AM
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DaveW
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Short answer: No.
Longer answer: if you are engaged and close to the big day, some say that it should be discussed. IMO, all you need to know is whether or not your fiancee is a virgin or not.
I will add to that that it is important, vital even, for both of you to go thru extensive premarital counseling (during the engaged period) where any sexual issues will be ironed out in the counselor's office BEFORE you come to the marriage bed.
If the couple is not engaged, all manner of damage can be done by discussing sexual issues.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 9:13:53 AM
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heremainsfaithful
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I do not think that discussing specific desires outside of marriage is wise. If you are engaged, then discussing general attitudes about sex maybe during premarital counseling might be wise. You don't want to find out if there are huge discrepancies about this topic AFTER the fact. But great caution should be exercised.
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Jer. 29:11, II Tim. 2:13, Jude 24, 25
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Eihstein's IQ may be higher than mine, but God's IQ is higher than anyone's.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 11:38:24 AM
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deermousie
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I agree fully with Dave and Heremainsfaithful.
Sex is an volatile subject between a man and a woman (the tug is always there) and should be treated with great care and delicacy so we don't defraud one another or lead one another on.
When a person is fasting because they're having surgery the next day, it's not wise for them to pull a chair up to a table loaded with a feast and sit there for hours, starving and trying not to eat any of it.
Instead, stay far away.
God bless you and help you.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 12:10:18 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: heremainsfaithful
You don't want to find out if there are huge discrepancies about this topic AFTER the fact. But great caution should be exercised.
I'd definitely second this advice (but again with caution after engagement). Some men have some weird ideas about their "rights" to their wife's body (even when she's sick or just had a baby), and you really want to know what each other's expectations are before you say "I do".
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 2:15:25 PM
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stellaluna
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First date.
(Edited to add, I firmly believe that sex and all the expectations thereof should be made clear from the beginning--including the conversation about how you're not going to have sex until you're married. Until it's addressed, it will always be the elephant in the room and too many Christian singles are dragging said elephant around everywhere they go. You don't have to go into detail to have a healthy discussion about sex.)
< Message edited by stellaluna -- 3/5/2010 2:26:07 PM >
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 2:18:26 PM
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womanofGOD284
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quote:
ORIGINAL: roblut4377
Is it appropriate for a male and female to discuss sex and each others sexual likes and dislikes in a relationship?
No. It is NOT appropriate for a man and a woman to discuss sex and their sexual likes and dislikes unless they are MARRIED. If they are married, then they can discuss their sexual likes and dislikes.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 2:25:41 PM
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heremainsfaithful
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I will say this. Unless someone has attended an anti-sex type religion or church OR they have discussed it beforehand, when you say I DO, you need to expect that sex is part of the equation. I do not understand people who marry expecting that this won't be a regular part of the package.
_____________________________
Jer. 29:11, II Tim. 2:13, Jude 24, 25
https://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=58896
Eihstein's IQ may be higher than mine, but God's IQ is higher than anyone's.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 2:34:18 PM
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stellaluna
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quote:
ORIGINAL: heremainsfaithful
I will say this. Unless someone has attended an anti-sex type religion or church OR they have discussed it beforehand, when you say I DO, you need to expect that sex is part of the equation. I do not understand people who marry expecting that this won't be a regular part of the package.
Another very good reason to talk about it before the wedding night. Just sayin'.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/5/2010 8:34:12 PM
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LivingParadox
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Well, I certainly don't think talking in detail is good for either party. But the idea of any discussion would probably depend the age of the couple.
If there are couple of kids let them learn together. But if the couple is older and been married before it would probably be a good idea to understand attitudes about sex and expectations -- but like I said before details would probably not be a wise move.
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The whole facade is wearing thin. Paper over cracks, until people take their power back. ~ Archers Arrow, Crowded House
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 4:58:01 AM
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PitaKat
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quote:
ORIGINAL: roblut4377
Is it appropriate for a male and female to discuss sex and each others sexual likes and dislikes in a relationship?
Boundaries should be established at the beginning of a relationship. If that means having a conversation about not having sex until marriage, that's good. It shouldn't go into more detail than that, until engagement and nearing the marriage date.
At that time it is appropriate to have a somewhat more detailed (but not explicit) conversation outlining expectations, but not in great detail and probably best done in a place with some accountability. I am a firm believer that both people should make their expectations known before they're bound together for life by marriage. When both parties know of the others' expectations, it greatly decreases miscommunication and the hurt that goes with it.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 9:47:26 AM
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Kat_D
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The time to discuss sex is after you are seriously considering marriage and are enrolled in pre-marital counseling classes...the subject is usually covered there (at least at my church it is).
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"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 12:00:54 PM
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Ps103
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::wonders if someone who has sexual likes and dislikes is an appropriate person for you to be dating::
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 12:45:23 PM
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macokjc
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quote:
::wonders if someone who has sexual likes and dislikes is an appropriate person for you to be dating::
Yes, I was wondering the same thing, although I admit I come from a completely different background. I think if you are engaged, it is okay to talk about expectations, but for my honey and I, we had no likes or dislikes because we had no experience.
After marriage, I don't think it's appropriate for me as a female to talk about sex with another male, unless it's in a counseling experience. Outside of marriage and dating, I just can't imagine why it needs to come up in a conversation with members of the opposite sex. Isn't there other things that we can talk about. (Like the Red Sox spring training?)
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 1:35:21 PM
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rawr.ben
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Well, it's not being a virgin, I don't have likes, dislikes, or any clue at all, really.
I have discussed hypotheticals of what *might* be fun . . . haha.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 1:44:23 PM
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ForgivenGrace
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Personally I would not discuss sex with a man that I wasn't engaged to...beyond the it ain't happening till after we are married.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 3:11:24 PM
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Ps103
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But the OP specifically asked about discussing "sexual likes and dislikes."
I do agree that some discussion of the other things is important--and best suited for a safe environment like premarital counselling.
Discussion of things that might involve feathers or Mickey Mouse ears should not happen--or be known, quite frankly.
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Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 3:16:55 PM
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Kat_D
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Mickey Mouse Ears?
.
.
.
Oh, Minnie, can we talk?
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~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 9:42:26 PM
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jaimestarcross
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quote:
Is it appropriate for a male and female to discuss sex and each others sexual likes and dislikes in a relationship?
*If the said couple are engaged or heading in that direction the subject should be broached... usually this type of thing is done when either party has been married before or "whatever"....I know a lot of folks have been sexually active prior to becoming saved and following the Lord's standards.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 10:14:49 PM
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iluvatar
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ps103
::wonders if someone who has sexual likes and dislikes is an appropriate person for you to be dating::
Why not? Is it wrong to date/marry a non-virgin?
If I had to do it all over again, I'd rather go into marriage with my eyes wide open. Things like positions should wait until after marriage, but stuff like abuse, insecurities, frequency, and issues with intimacy should be dealt with ahead of time as much as possible.
-Dan.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/6/2010 11:05:33 PM
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LivingParadox
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Knowing how someone views sexuality before making a lifetime commitment is important, specifics prior to marriage, not so important.
I think it's naive and reckless to make a lifetime commitment without know the earlier mentioned topics, abuse, insecurities, frequency, etc. These topics should be talked about prior to an engagement. Now should this be a first date conversation, NO.
Hopefully a couple moving towards a serious relationship has the ability to talk about such things in a appropriate godly way -- I think this can be done.
_____________________________
The whole facade is wearing thin. Paper over cracks, until people take their power back. ~ Archers Arrow, Crowded House
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
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RE: Discussing Sex - 3/7/2010 10:44:20 AM
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silent12
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quote:
think it's naive and reckless to make a lifetime commitment without know the earlier mentioned topics, abuse, insecurities, frequency, etc. These topics should be talked about prior to an engagement. Now should this be a first date conversation, NO.
I totally agree, I think that it would be a bad idea to get married having no knowledge of a person's prior sexual activity and expectations. Likes and dislikes should not be a part of this conversation though.
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