How to discipline a strong willed child that no punishments are used work on her
View related threads:
(in this forum
| in all forums)
|
Logged in as: Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
How to discipline a strong willed child that no punishm... - 3/12/2010 2:55:29 AM
|
|
|
AbbyDrennan
Posts: 2
Joined: 3/12/2010
Status: offline
|
I have an awesome little girl who is about to turn 4. She definately is different than her other siblings. Although she is awesome in so many ways she is very strong willed. It is hard to discipline her because she'll just keep on doing what she was doing no matter how many times she's been punished. We do believe in spanking, we've given time outs, made her stand in the corner, took things away she liked but she just has a don't care attitude and it is so frustrating. I found out she might have odd which is almost like adhd but I don't really wanna take her the route of medication until I've tried other things. Does anyone know some techniques that have worked for you in raising a child that might be more difficult than the others? I don't want to teach them to live in anger but every day at some point I find myself yelling at her and that isn't good either. She doesn't want to take no for an answer, she whines and crys about every little thing and she will keep pestering and pestering until you explode. I want to help her grow up to be a good Godly young woman not stubborn and angry. Please help.
_____________________________
Yesterday is History, Tommorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift from God which is why we call it the present!
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 4:04:07 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
Could you just explain to me in what way time outs haven't worked? Also how you've been doing them?
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 9:26:25 AM
|
|
|
LMKH
Posts: 124
Status: offline
|
I would say just keep plugging away. I agree with not medicating her. They said my 15 yr old had ODD and ADHD when he was 5. He was uncontrollable. We did medicate. It helped at the time, but it made him sick in the long run and I think we are dealing with some long run consequences now. But, we did just keep plugging away with the discipline and he got a lot better. It took a while but things are much better. I still deal with some lying and sneaky behavior, but none of it is nearly as bad as I see in other teenagers behavior. He is not doing drugs or sneaking out or back talking or stealing money. His misbehavior now might be saying his schoolwork is done when it is not so he can watch a TV show. That is the extent of what we deal with now. But oh my gosh, if you heard some of what we have been through....I am just saying, we have been through a lot.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 9:37:08 AM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 4125
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
|
Pray that God would show you a way.
I was one of those strong willed kids. My mom has said to me several times after I grew up that had I been rebelious she and my step dad would have had no idea how to deal with me.
There was no amount of time-outs, economic pressure (taking away allowances), being banished to my room or even beatings (and I mean the kind that almost make you pass out from pain) that had any effect on me at all.
_____________________________
Avatar is my son Caleb and Leah on their wedding 12/20/09
=======================
Winner of 2010 "best in "He Says"
=======================
Our CD is available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 10:01:38 AM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 3351
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
Pray for strength and stay consistent. Part of the strong willed nature is the attitude that they don't care what you do or take away. It's not true. It's just their way of fighting back. &:)
And the whining, crying, pester pester pester... that's them punishing you for disciplining them. Have a consistent consequence for that behavior too. Try not to react by exploding or showing your frustration. That's what the strong willed child wants. If they can make you go off the deep end then they win because their whining, crying, pester pester pester worked.
My oldest son was very strong willed. I had to judge my parenting by how he behaved with others and in other places rather then how he behaved at home. Home was a battleground where he was fighting to see who was in charge. For years we had skirmishes every day. Over time they got less and less frequent.
One thing I found is that strong willed children tend to have a very strong sense of right and wrong. If your consequences are right and fair, they will still fight you on it but they learn from the consequence a little bit faster. If your consequences are unfair they will not learn from it at all and the battle will escalate. So, be sure that you are on solid ground when you engage in the battle.
So, stay iron-firm consistent, pick your battles, never lose.
_____________________________
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith... ...so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrew 12:3-4
Follow me on Twitter: MrsLalaD
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 10:09:23 AM
|
|
|
SurpassingPeace
Posts: 1381
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
|
If there is an underlying medical condition, you may not be able to discipline these behaviors out of her. You may need to look into behavior modifications specific to that condition, environmental changes, and dietary changes. There are many things you can do to set up a child with a medical condition for success without resorting to medication.
_____________________________
Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 10:39:57 AM
|
|
|
stateofgrace
Posts: 1329
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
I agree with SurpassingPeace regarding the issues surrounding a child with a medical condition which is influencing their behavior. There are so many that can affect behavior...I have a daughter who was early-onset Bipolar Disorder, a niece with insulin-dependent Diabetes, a nephew with Aspergers Syndrome, etc.
So, I wouldn't count out medication, but know that it doesn't have to necessarily be the first line of treatment. Many parents facing these sort of situations try a lot of different non-pharmaceutical interventions before putting their children on medication.
Unfortunately, many pediatricians aren't thorough enough when it comes to diagnosing children, or even necessarily up to date with research into conditions affecting children.
If you as the child's parent - one who knows him/her better than anyone - suspect that your child's behavior is 1) beyond the realm of "normal" or "typical" and 2) may be influenced by an underlying medical condition, my suggestion is for you to start digging through information from reputable resources. You'll likely see something before too long that starts to sound like it might describe your child. Then you'll have something to knowledgeably discuss with your child's doctor, who should be able to confirm or eliminate the possibility based on symptoms and/or medical tests.
_____________________________
America Needs Revival. Will you commit to pray for it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 1:34:12 PM
|
|
|
SurpassingPeace
Posts: 1381
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
|
I would also try to keep an open mind. For example, some people decide out right little Jimmy has ADD or he absolutely cannot have ADD and they close their mind to other possibilities. Unfortunately, medical conditions like ADHD, bipolar, Aspergers, etc are not as clear cut diagnosis as say chicken pox. They are more fluid, don't alway present exactly,etc. Also, there are alot more avenues for treatments and often a combination of treatments are the most successful.
_____________________________
Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 2:24:16 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 2688
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
Our kid was like this, too. It was a moral problem (who is going to rule the family; us or the little heathen) and a medical problem (neurodevelopmental).
I highly recommend Linda Kane's therapy - she travels all over the country every 4 months. See www.hope-future.org and deal with the physical aspect of this.
Reb Bradley has an excellent book on parenting called "Child Training Tips" and it's not too late to start reading it and putting it in to action and deal with the moral aspect of this.
Raising a kid is a procedure over time, not a single point in time, so keep holding the standard up - you're building eternity with your kid. I would keep punishments as natural consequences. Won't put toys away after multiple orders to? Give the toys away. In fact, don't do multiple orders; slow obedience is no obedience.
And when the kid isn't battling you, fill his life with hugs and sweet words and kind consideration (which I'm sure you do). He's a tender little baby who needs buckets of love. It's just the tyrant part he has to lose on, over and over for however long it takes. He needs the love when he's opposing you, too, and to see the fairness of your loving actions.
God bless you, parent! This is the masterwork of your life, and you're hanging in there and caring for this little guy who will be a man some day. Don't give up!
Our kid was one tough nut to crack, and we just prayed and held her feet to the fire... for years... and suddenly she changed and turned into a competent and moral human being. She's in college now and doing excellently well in every area of her life. That was the goal - praise God for making it happen! May He receive all the glory. <worships>
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 6:34:16 PM
|
|
|
kryssiikins
Posts: 21
Joined: 3/12/2010
Status: offline
|
There is really no straight answer for that, shes really young so starting her on meds that early is scary, I wouldn't suggest meds for something like that until shes older. Maybe there really isn't a solution to the problem as of now, you may just have to wait it out for the good of your family, if its something dangerous make sure she knows, and don't let her do it.
_____________________________
Photo frames online
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 7:47:29 PM
|
|
|
AbbyDrennan
Posts: 2
Joined: 3/12/2010
Status: offline
|
As far as what we do for time outs, we normally will make her stand in the corner for a period of time depending on what she's done. Now she doesn't like having to do that; she will cry and whine about it but once the time out is over it won't be long before she starts doing it again and then depending on the situation if she keeps rebelling we end up having to spank her. I guess I just feel they aren't working becuase she keeps repeating the behavior over and over.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 11:05:33 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 2385
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
In what ways do you define, teach and re-enforce the behaviours you want to see?
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/12/2010 11:35:50 PM
|
|
|
GlassMoonWaltzes
Posts: 2460
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
|
Is she getting enough excercise? Some of these kids just need an outlet for their energy (I was kinda like her, and I know myself well enough to know now that that's what I needed, but my 'rents weren't into sports AND they were very much use the rod/everything is a sin (well not good things, but ya know)...although, they don't think that way now and regret some of their mistakes with me.
I'm not a parent, so throw this post out now, if you wish, HOWEVER...I did see a little girl just like myself in your original post.
I would strongly reccomend enrolling her in a vigorous dance class or in some way or another make sure she gets a lot of excercise. I think that is one big step. I also knew that even though I was strong willed, deep down, I REALLY DID want to please, but for one thing I felt like I didn't know HOW, and for another thing I always felt misunderstood. Get on her level, bend her ear..ask her what she thinks you said. Also, from the sound of it she is a youngest? no? Or at least she has older siblings..take a step back and make sure that she's not being too bossed around by her older siblings..also let her have something she presides over.....like a chore and/or a little area that's hers (although at that age she shouldn't have an excessive amount of chores), and that others are to respect that and her space. That's all I can think of for now. I'm kind of rambling, maybe it won't even help, sorry I'm just thinking out loud, hope it helps some, if not, sorry 'bout that.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/13/2010 11:11:22 AM
|
|
|
barbhuff
Posts: 121
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
As the mom of a diagnosed Oppositional Defiant Disorder child (along with some other diagnoses,) my first advice to you is behavior modification as much as possible. Even the sweetest "Please clean your room" is going to be met with opposition. The best piece of advice I ever received when she was a preschooler was to offer choices for everything. Preschoolers naturally are testing their boundaries-- the ODD child wants to be in control period. Instead of "please clean your room," offer a choice like "are you going to pick up the blocks or the dishes first?" Instead of "get ready to go," you say "are you putting your shoes on first or getting your backpack?" See, this way you are getting results you want, will have less oppositional behavior, and you'll still be okay with allowing her to feel like she has some control over her own actions. When she has control over her own actions, she'll feel better about herself.
When behavior modification is too late and there is a consequence involved, try to keep them as natural as possible to the behavior. When using time-outs, be sure to use appropriate language that puts the focus on the behavior. Never say something like "I want you to sit in time-out for that" or even "you will get up when I say so." Again, put the focus on the child and her behavior. "You chose to disobey our rule not to hit. You will get up when you show me you have yourself under control." If she gets up, you take her hand and sit her back down a hundred times if you have to. Don't nag. Don't yell, but do remind her " when you're under control, you'll get up."
My daughter is now 7 and while we still have some problems with her, she's come so far. I believe her spit-fire temperament is going to get her far in life now that she's survived those preschool years!
_____________________________
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
~Benjamin Franklin
www.barbhuff.com
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/13/2010 11:48:51 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyDrennan
As far as what we do for time outs, we normally will make her stand in the corner for a period of time depending on what she's done. Now she doesn't like having to do that; she will cry and whine about it but once the time out is over it won't be long before she starts doing it again
So, the thing to do is to put her back into time out. Over and over again as many times as necessary, explaining why she is there. The Supernanny way is to take them to time out, go down to their level and ask them why they are there. If they don't know, then explain. Say that they're there to think about what they've done, and that you will come back in 3 minutes for her to say sorry. Btw, if she is 3, it should be 3 minutes that she is there for - one minute per year of age. But the 3 minutes is only over when you ask her to say sorry for what she did, and then you have a hug. If she won't say sorry, the 3 minutes starts again.
quote:
I guess I just feel they aren't working becuase she keeps repeating the behavior over and over.
You need to be persistent and consistent with the discipline, and not allow her to turn it into a drama every time. Right now, she probably knows that if she tries hard enough, she can make you explode and may even enjoy the attention, even though it's negative attention. So, you remaining as calm as possible, and not giving her the satisfaction of knowing she has upset you, may well be the key here.
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/13/2010 11:50:31 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: barbhuff
The best piece of advice I ever received when she was a preschooler was to offer choices for everything. Preschoolers naturally are testing their boundaries-- the ODD child wants to be in control period. Instead of "please clean your room," offer a choice like "are you going to pick up the blocks or the dishes first?" Instead of "get ready to go," you say "are you putting your shoes on first or getting your backpack?" See, this way you are getting results you want, will have less oppositional behavior, and you'll still be okay with allowing her to feel like she has some control over her own actions. When she has control over her own actions, she'll feel better about herself.
This is exactly what I did with my son. I've no idea if he had ODD or not (it had not been invented then), but he was a strong-willed child, and this method worked really well with him.
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 3/13/2010 12:08:57 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 3362
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: barbhuff
The best piece of advice I ever received when she was a preschooler was to offer choices for everything. Preschoolers naturally are testing their boundaries-- the ODD child wants to be in control period. Instead of "please clean your room," offer a choice like "are you going to pick up the blocks or the dishes first?" Instead of "get ready to go," you say "are you putting your shoes on first or getting your backpack?" See, this way you are getting results you want, will have less oppositional behavior, and you'll still be okay with allowing her to feel like she has some control over her own actions. When she has control over her own actions, she'll feel better about herself.
This is exactly what I did with my son. I've no idea if he had ODD or not (it had not been invented then), but he was a strong-willed child, and this method worked really well with him.
I agree that this method is effective with just about any kid.
This will sound silly, maybe, but just make sure you have a solid routine in life, which includes plenty of sleep on a regular routine and regularly planned meals/snacks.
Make sure you don't have foods like MSG or chemical additives which could be contributing to her contrary nature. Some kids are very sensitive to the dyes in foods and other chemicals.
You may have already considered these things.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
God's Attributes
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/4/2010 4:20:57 PM
|
|
|
Hey_mom
Posts: 125
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyDrennan
I have an awesome little girl who is about to turn 4. She definately is different than her other siblings. Although she is awesome in so many ways she is very strong willed. It is hard to discipline her because she'll just keep on doing what she was doing no matter how many times she's been punished. We do believe in spanking, we've given time outs, made her stand in the corner, took things away she liked but she just has a don't care attitude and it is so frustrating. I found out she might have odd which is almost like adhd but I don't really wanna take her the route of medication until I've tried other things. Does anyone know some techniques that have worked for you in raising a child that might be more difficult than the others? I don't want to teach them to live in anger but every day at some point I find myself yelling at her and that isn't good either. She doesn't want to take no for an answer, she whines and crys about every little thing and she will keep pestering and pestering until you explode. I want to help her grow up to be a good Godly young woman not stubborn and angry. Please help.
Boy have I been there and done that!!! Our 2nd son has been strong-willed since before he was born. There are a lot of strengths with a person like this, and a lot of challenges. I have made many mistakes trying to raise my challenging kid, and had some successes along the way. We tried all sorts of punishments. To my mind, spanking worked the best, at least when he was old enough to understand and still be repenting afterward. I tried never to spank when I was angry, though. He knew what he was being spanked for, he'd get one swat for every year of age, and I talked to him afterward. He responded well to spanking.
This is going to be somewhat rambling, out of order. You MUST take excellent care of YOURSELF when you are raising a difficult child. They will try you and test you and defy you, and it is very draining, frustrating, stressful, anger-producing, emotionally straining. Take the time every day to settle yourself, read your Bible, pray and meditate, and focus on what you want for all your children, especially this little darling. Keep a long view of things.
Whatever you do, DO NOT sacrifice your relationship over discipline!!! I'm not saying you don't respond, but with kids like this, if you respond negatively to EVERYTHING they do, you will always be punishing. Rewarding tends to work better although anything that becomes too routine, they get bored with (assuming she does have ADD or ADHD, you need to get her tested for that). A reward chart can be much more motivating than responding to all the negative (and there will be a lot of that). Use sticker charts starting now, and allowance programs later, and give her MORE responsibility at a younger age than you think she can handle. A lot of times, kids like this do very well handling things that other kids their chrono age could not. The more responsibility, the better, be sure to PRAISE her for doing things on her own and taking reasonable risks with your approval. Chores are great, as well as other jobs. Find something she excels at and get her fully engaged in it, whether it's self-defense, gardening, cooking, sports, pet care, anything really.
I would not want to put her in a category of ODD or ADHD yet, but I would start looking for a doctor who can test her for these things. I would urge you very seriously NOT to rule out medication if she needs it. Making these kids go unmedicated can lead to other, worse problems when they are older and have a record of failure and social problems behind them. Don't rule anything out, you will need a full toolbox to get through raising a kid like this! God must have trusted you to be able to gather the tools you need, or he'd never have given you such a little pistol. Even on the bad days, thank God for her and trust Him to help you raise her. Stay on your knees and remember that even God had disobedient children! :)
And I am still making mistakes with my challenging child, so although I have some experience, strength, and hope to offer, I am still working it out on a daily basis too! I know where I have messed up, though, and would love to help you avoid those particular potholes...
Shoot, already forgot one thing - CONSISTENCY in your disciplinary structure and in her larger life...ALWAYS follow through with what you tell her will happen. Always have the response ready, think about, pray about, and agree with your husband about what you will respond to, what you will do, BE PREPARED because being caught off-guard means you may respond in ways you'd prefer not to. You don't have to try and be 100% consistent, but do know what your general plan is and be ready for the unexpected. You and your husband need to discuss the plan and be united on it, because these kids can cause huge problems in a marriage, too, due to the strain of raising them. They can be adept at going from one parent to the other until one of them cracks. Maybe they are born lobbyists or something!! LOL
< Message edited by Hey_mom -- 4/4/2010 4:29:53 PM >
_____________________________
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/4/2010 7:27:32 PM
|
|
|
granolagirl
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: The Windy City 'burbs
Status: offline
|
I'm so glad you posted this, AbbyDrennan! I also have a strong willed 3 y.o. who behaves like this. I'm so frustrated because I feel that all I ever do is battle with her all day long.
Thank you to all the people who posted responses too. I really needed to hear some of this stuff.
_____________________________
There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'-C.S. Lewis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/4/2010 10:47:03 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 2688
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: granolagirl
I'm so glad you posted this, AbbyDrennan! I also have a strong willed 3 y.o. who behaves like this. I'm so frustrated because I feel that all I ever do is battle with her all day long.
My too-intelligent and strong-willed kid was a battle all day long, too. She would get natural consequences and I would tell her, over and over, that I was teaching her good living habits because it would make her life a good one.
While the battle raged, she actually was listening, and when she got old enough to live with reason, she chose to live well. So keep your standards up - your kid is probably listening, too, and wants to know if what you're doing is for their benefit. So tell him.
[This is not to say I was a great parent; I don't think I was anywhere close to one. But our daughter knew the Lord and knew she was loved, and that made up for a lot. So take heart. And yes, she does clean her room, put a napkin on her lap and say "Excuse me." God is gracious!  ]
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/5/2010 7:59:23 PM
|
|
|
pwfaith
Posts: 253
Joined: 3/18/2010
From: NC
Status: offline
|
Sounds just like our 2nd DD :) Consistency (which is harder for you than her most likely) and Wise Words for Moms http://www.christianbook.com/wise-words-for-moms/ginger-plowman/9780966378665/pd/78660?item_code=WW&netp_id=314679&event=ESRCN&view=details (most local Christian bookstores should have it). I had to reword some of the questions to make them more age-appropriate where she could understand but getting to the "heart issue" almost always worked better than any form of discipline I could come up with. We also made her pray and tell God she was sorry for what she had done, not just the person she had offended or us for disobeying. She is very different now. Still strong-willed but not defiant like she use to be.
I would also say be sure she is getting enough positive attention, that everything you say is not negative to her. Often times kids are defiant just for the attention if they are lacking in the positive. I found this to be true for her as well. She was always doing something wrong, so I just expected it and felt like I was just always disciplining her, never having positive interaction with her. I stopped expecting her to be defiant and tried to speak in a positive manner even when she did something wrong (which is why I like the Wise Words for Moms, it ends on a positive note, by showing them a right behavior, instead of JUST focusing on the wrong behavior). If we don't show or tell them the right behavior just discipline and discuss the wrong one, how will they know? kwim?
_____________________________
Sarah - wife to 1 and mommy to 5
http://proverbs-women.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/16/2010 11:57:49 AM
|
|
|
michele_erin
Posts: 267
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: online
|
I haven't read through all the posts, so maybe I am repeating here, but I had a strong willed child. I just had to remain consistent with her for many years -- consistently disciplining. Spankings never worked on her, so she got time outs, stuff taken away, grounded, etc. It has paid off. She is now 16 years old, and a wonderful young lady.
Discipline when you're not angry. Take time outs for yourself -- if she gets to be too much, send her to her room and you take a time out -- it helps. And if you threaten to take something or discipline in a certain way if she does "X", then follow through -- always follow through. If they know they can wear you down -- they will do it!
But I can guarantee that if you continue to lean on the Lord during this time, remain consistent, follow through with discipline every time (even though its exhausting at times), you will be pleased with the results.
That strong willed personality is an asset when it is nourished too -- because it will be used towards school work, dedication, etc. They are smart people. I am so impressed with the woman my daughter is becoming -- she is nothing like I was at that age. She is confident, smart, funny and independent. I am so thankful to the Lord for her.
You CAN do it -- just have to pray every day for strength to keep on keepin' on. God bless you!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/16/2010 2:32:00 PM
|
|
|
Logik
Posts: 213
Joined: 4/3/2010
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: SurpassingPeace
If there is an underlying medical condition, you may not be able to discipline these behaviors out of her.
Have to agree with this. An extreme analogy would be it like telling someone to stop having a heartattack - when there isn't that control within them to do it, they can't.
There are things like diet and environment you can look at before going down the medication route...but I would strongly suggest you sit down with a doctor and discuss the situation, tell them everything and seriously take on board what they recommend. Explain that you want to look at alternative treatments, and see what they think.
It may be that you need to change how you approach it. Although it is difficult in the heat of the moment, if this child does have an underlying condition then you really can't blame them for it, what they're doing is not their fault. Perhaps try and make it a positive thing for them to stop, as opposed to a negative thing for them to carry on. Get their interest in something else.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/27/2010 1:14:36 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1649
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
Please get your child checked medically for any type of problem that could be medically based before trying anything else.
It would be terribly unfair to the child if a medical condition exists and is not being treated.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How to discipline a strong willed child that no pun... - 4/28/2010 11:58:49 AM
|
|
|
vicbhe
Posts: 55
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
|
I raised one very strong willed child, he is 20 now. I realized he was strong willed within the first two years and started praying that God would give me the wisdom and ability to just steer him in the right way.
I have an analogy for you. This is what I actually visualized in my head as I raised my strong willed boy. I grew up in the country and often worked as a hired hand on farms. I learned how to steer a runaway bull, it's really simple, you get out of its way and let it go where it wants to. If the bull wants to move forward, then it is going to move forward, not much you can do about it. However, you can turn that bull completely around and have it go exactly where you want it to. You can't control the bull, but you can control what direction is 'forward.'
When a bull is heading the wrong direction you get out of its direct path, it will run over you. However, if you stand off to the side a little the bull will turn away from you just a bit. You have changed its direction. You keep doing this and the bull will eventually go exactly where you want it to, and the bull is the one actually doing all the work. (Again there is an art to this and I oversimplified it, so don't get anywhere near a runaway bull unless you know what you are doing.)
I applied this analogy to my strong will child. I basically got out of his way and simply worked at keeping him 'steered' in the right direction. I'd stand in the path I didn't want him to take in order to turn him in the right direction. Like a raging bull he sometimes would come right at me. I'd 'move over' and let him by but then steer him back the other direction again.
I choose to consider his strong will as a gift from God and believe that God is going to do great things with that strong will one day.
_____________________________
"Pay now, play later. Play now, pay later." Orville Ashley, my 10th grade algebra teacher talking about college. Wish I'd listened better back then.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
