|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/15/2010 10:37:31 PM
|
|
|
KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
|
hello, I was wondering how to prevent infideliety in marriGE,my first marriage ended with a nasty affair the women was hateful,harrassing,and didnt care who she hurt. If I were to remarry ,it is kinda of scary thAT MAY HAPPEN AGAIN,and how to keep a husband happy so he doesn't go looking somewhere else.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/15/2010 10:43:14 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3172
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
My opinion on this is you really can't prevent anyone from having an affair if they want to have an affair. It's a choice that a person makes base on his values and character. However, I think you can certainly add to the contentment of the man within your relationship that would minimize his temptation to wander.
_____________________________
-------------------------------------
Psalm 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/15/2010 11:03:03 PM
|
|
|
KaptZ
Posts: 643
Joined: 10/28/2009
From: The swamps of Jersey
Status: offline
|
I agree. If someone is going to cheat then they are going to cheat. It's not the other woman/man's fault it's the cheating spouse's.
I would also add that it is SO important that you get to know your spouse and what makes them tick BEFORE you marry them. Most of the marriages I have witnessed have serious trouble probably should never(in my opinion) have been in the first place.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/15/2010 11:09:46 PM
|
|
|
Memaw.
Posts: 1585
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
|
1. Make God first in your marriage.
2. Put your husbands needs above yours.
3. Pray for your husband and your marriage continuously.
_____________________________
~Kim
Everything can change in a blink of an eye. But don't worry: God never blinks.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/15/2010 11:25:32 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3999
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
|
Well, you can't "prevent" it the way I'm thinking you mean. Either controlling him or a situation, being a perfect wife, or finding a perfect man.
Everybody is capable of falling. You are capable of having an affair, too. As am I, and all the rest of us. Or perhaps a different type of sin to which you are more vulnerable.
What you can do is "choose wisely, and treat kindly". Pick a man of excellent character, taking a great deal of time, getting wise counsel, seeking God's will. Then be a Godly, loving wife. That is what you can do. That is all you can do, really. There will always be some level of risk because there is not a single human person who is 100% beyond temptation and sin. But the choices you make and your behavior either dramatically increase the risk of such a thing happening (it would seem common sense not to marry a man who has 8 children by 6 different women, none of whom he's ever married, and is constantly in and out of prison, but some women do just that  That's an example of a choice that increases risk of problems in the extreme), or decrease it as much as humanly possible.
Out of curiosity, do you think you were part of the dynamic that led to the crumbling of the marriage? Your wording seems to indicate that. You are not at fault for his affair. That's his sin and his alone. But searching out where you may have also been pulling stones out of the foundation of your marriage is a very good beginning to doing things in a more healthy way from the get-go next time around.
_____________________________
 Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 12:30:40 AM
|
|
|
LMKH
Posts: 124
Status: offline
|
People do not have affairs because their spouses were not good enough. To the contrary. People are generally raised to have affairs or just have it in them. Do not get involved with someone whose parents did not take their marriage seriously. Watch how he reacts to other people having affairs when you are just getting to know the guy. Does he make remarks about it being justified?
Your ex did not do that to you because of anything you did. You sound like you blame yourself. Stop blaming yourself. (((((hugs)))))) The ONLY thing you can do different that will make a difference is pick a man who is at much lower risk to cheat. He cheats because HE cheats, not because you did anything wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 2:36:23 AM
|
|
|
jaimestarcross
Posts: 1117
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
|
You can't prevent him from having an affair.
One major thing I learned from my failed first marriage is that I should of looked into his previous relationships. Past history speaks loudly!
I found out a lot about my him during the marriage and after the divorce...unfortunately none of it was good.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 8:20:26 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3172
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
I think most people that are in a bad marriage are susceptible to having an affair. If someone came along and they are vulnerable, unless one runs away from temptation, it will overtake him. I've known people whom you'd never expect to have an affair but because they were so unhappy in their marriage, they fell.
So, I think if your husband is weak in that area, and he's not finding the love and support from his wife at home, it can contribute to him finding himself in an affair.
_____________________________
-------------------------------------
Psalm 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 8:53:37 AM
|
|
|
coalburned
Posts: 34
Joined: 3/16/2010
Status: offline
|
You nailed it, Memaw.
If someone is unfaithful to their spouse, that's a line he or she crosses alone...no one else is to blame. But we shouldn't be so naive as to think we're not capable of doing things, knowingly or unknowingly, that put our marriages at greater risk if they go on unchecked.
Before getting married, observe your future mate's relationship with God. Choosing a godly spouse doesn't make a marriage bullet-proof, but couples who understand God's design for marriage have great track records.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 9:06:07 AM
|
|
|
car2ner
Posts: 3175
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
|
Although I have to say that in an affair, three people all have some part to play, each person is responsible for their own choices.
If a spouse is glad to come home then they are probably less likely to stray. Yet noone can be a floormate for their spouse's happiness because that will backfire. I also agree with Memaw, pray pray pray for your marriage. First that you are wise in the choices you make while you are single and to be wise in the choices you make if you remarry.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 5:22:57 PM
|
|
|
KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Well, you can't "prevent" it the way I'm thinking you mean. Either controlling him or a situation, being a perfect wife, or finding a perfect man.
Everybody is capable of falling. You are capable of having an affair, too. As am I, and all the rest of us. Or perhaps a different type of sin to which you are more vulnerable.
What you can do is "choose wisely, and treat kindly". Pick a man of excellent character, taking a great deal of time, getting wise counsel, seeking God's will. Then be a Godly, loving wife. That is what you can do. That is all you can do, really. There will always be some level of risk because there is not a single human person who is 100% beyond temptation and sin. But the choices you make and your behavior either dramatically increase the risk of such a thing happening (it would seem common sense not to marry a man who has 8 children by 6 different women, none of whom he's ever married, and is constantly in and out of prison, but some women do just that That's an example of a choice that increases risk of problems in the extreme), or decrease it as much as humanly possible.
Out of curiosity, do you think you were part of the dynamic that led to the crumbling of the marriage? Your wording seems to indicate that. You are not at fault for his affair. That's his sin and his alone. But searching out where you may have also been pulling stones out of the foundation of your marriage is a very good beginning to doing things in a more healthy way from the get-go next time around.
well it was hard being Godly, cuz my ex wasn't leading in that direction at the time,and I was real young when i got married 18.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 5:26:30 PM
|
|
|
KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalm_40
I think most people that are in a bad marriage are susceptible to having an affair. If someone came along and they are vulnerable, unless one runs away from temptation, it will overtake him. I've known people whom you'd never expect to have an affair but because they were so unhappy in their marriage, they fell.
So, I think if your husband is weak in that area, and he's not finding the love and support from his wife at home, it can contribute to him finding himself in an affair.
very interesting, I wish i knew that back then
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/16/2010 8:25:22 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3999
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
|
quote:
well it was hard being Godly, cuz my ex wasn't leading in that direction at the time,and I was real young when i got married 18.
Well, now you know. I think most of us, young and old, believers or not, have a general idea of what it means to be a kind and loving spouse, so we can always start with that. But now you're older, wiser, and have the past to learn from. You can do a lot better if there's a next time. 
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/17/2010 3:51:46 PM
|
|
|
KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
|
 yes I know a lot more now ,I still wish it was different back then
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/18/2010 1:24:39 PM
|
|
|
pwfaith
Posts: 253
Joined: 3/18/2010
From: NC
Status: offline
|
Personally I think we are all susceptible to making bad choices. We made an agreement many years ago to "safeguard" our marriage. It's not a guarantee but it's better than nothing. We don't have close friends of the opposite sex and we try not to be alone with someone of the opposite sex unless need-be then we tell the other. Even suspicion can be very damaging to a relationship. We have acquaintance type friends of the opposite sex but not "intimate" friends - like best friends or someone you would call on if you were upset. For us, it's just an unnecessary risk. We also try to make sure each of our needs are being met by the other - be it emotionally or physically. Communication is HUGE! Open communication.
Hedges by Jerry Jenkins is also very good on this.
I agree there is not much you can do to prevent it, we all make choice on our own but if you are both working toward the same goal ("safeguarding" your marriage) and both willing to take the precautions necessary imo it will lower the odds. Recognize temptation! Being tempted in and of itself is not wrong, it is knowing how to resist temptation that is important! Eph 6 talks a lot about this. Get involved with men/women's groups, couples groups, etc where you will each have some accountability too.
_____________________________
Sarah - wife to 1 and mommy to 5
http://proverbs-women.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/19/2010 12:34:43 PM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 4125
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
Although I have to say that in an affair, three people all have some part to play, Usually, but not always. My mom was the "other woman" who got date-raped. (I am the product of that rape) She knew the guy she was dating was an assistant pastor, but had no idea he was married and had 3 children. She really had no idea their dating was an affair.
In their case (my dad's first marriage) both dad and his first wife had real serious fidelity issues. At the revelation of the affair he was kicked out of the congregation. When the church found out the other side (the first wife's shenanigans) they asked him to come back as pastor, and that was after he and my mom were married. He said 'no."
_____________________________
Avatar is my son Caleb and Leah on their wedding 12/20/09
=======================
Winner of 2010 "best in "He Says"
=======================
Our CD is available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/19/2010 12:54:52 PM
|
|
|
pwfaith
Posts: 253
Joined: 3/18/2010
From: NC
Status: offline
|
I'm sorry if this is personal and I don't mean to pry, did your mom marry the man who raped her?
_____________________________
Sarah - wife to 1 and mommy to 5
http://proverbs-women.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/19/2010 7:49:46 PM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 4125
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: pwfaith
I'm sorry if this is personal and I don't mean to pry, did your mom marry the man who raped her? Did she marry him? Yes.
Would she call it a rape? No. Date rape is what we would call it now. Getting worked up and forcing the issue is what they called it back then. I was using more current terminology.
_____________________________
Avatar is my son Caleb and Leah on their wedding 12/20/09
=======================
Winner of 2010 "best in "He Says"
=======================
Our CD is available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/19/2010 9:46:59 PM
|
|
|
pwfaith
Posts: 253
Joined: 3/18/2010
From: NC
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
quote:
ORIGINAL: pwfaith
I'm sorry if this is personal and I don't mean to pry, did your mom marry the man who raped her? Did she marry him? Yes.
Would she call it a rape? No. Date rape is what we would call it now. Getting worked up and forcing the issue is what they called it back then. I was using more current terminology.
Oh I realize it was different terms today. I wasn't trying to be rude, just curious and I wasn't sure I was reading your posts correctly, didn't want to make any assumptions. I'm sorry if it came across rude or anything.
_____________________________
Sarah - wife to 1 and mommy to 5
http://proverbs-women.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/20/2010 6:46:34 AM
|
|
|
car2ner
Posts: 3175
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
|
quote:
She knew the guy she was dating was an assistant pastor, but had no idea he was married and had 3 children.
The dangers of generalities. It is true that people lie to get what they want. It is important that when the sin is found out, and it eventually will be found out, that things are made as right as possible.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/20/2010 2:11:08 PM
|
|
|
KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
|
learning to trust is a rough lesson,how can you tell you can trust someone.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/21/2010 4:27:28 PM
|
|
|
lightbeamrider
Posts: 323
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
You can't prevent him from having an affair.
One major thing I learned from my failed first marriage is that I should of looked into his previous relationships. Past history speaks loudly!
I found out a lot about my him during the marriage and after the divorce...unfortunately none of it was good.
Exactly. Do a background check. Pray a hedge of thorns as referenced in Hosea 2:6-7.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/22/2010 6:39:39 AM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 4125
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
quote:
She knew the guy she was dating was an assistant pastor, but had no idea he was married and had 3 children. The dangers of generalities. It is true that people lie to get what they want. It is important that when the sin is found out, and it eventually will be found out, that things are made as right as possible. The problem is the truth came out AFTER she was pregnant. And it was an ugly truth. Them getting married was both of them trying to make it right.
_____________________________
Avatar is my son Caleb and Leah on their wedding 12/20/09
=======================
Winner of 2010 "best in "He Says"
=======================
Our CD is available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: how to prevent your husband from having an affair - 3/22/2010 7:11:16 AM
|
|
|
luispinzon
Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2010
Status: offline
|
Simply been a wife according to the bible.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT 
PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS! 
