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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 5:52:20 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 4948
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quote:
I have actually thrown toys away at cleanup time, well not really thrown them away but placed them in the trash can. They eventually come back out to the toybox, but it gets Matthew's attention.
Umm....no offense, but that is the exact message you do NOT want to be sending. If it's in the trash, it's trash...period. He sees you wavering on that and plays it up because he knows that eventually you will give in and the consequence will not be lived up to.
I would suggest, if you don't want to throw it away into the trash, throw it into a give away bag and next time you are out make HIM put the donate bag into the donation pile/bin at the place of your choosing. I personally don't like throwing away something that another child could use and love, so that's my way of doing it. I have thrown many a bag into that donation bin though, and my kids know that once it's in MY bag, it is not theirs to wheel and deal out of there.
Oh and attitude adjustment...one thing that we do that works FABULOUS is this: we will give one warning that they need to adjust their attitude, and if they choose not to then we will adjust it for them. Our form of adjusting it is the more physical form...exercise!!! Believe me, until you have had to do jumping jacks in the middle of a store because of hitting your sister with the cart, you just haven't lived!!! I know he is only 3yo, but we use this method with Jack too (who is 3yo) and it works. They have to do the mandatory number that I say, since they didn't adjust their attitude on their own and I have to do it for them. I choose age appropriate numbers though. So for a 3yo I would give 5-10 or so whereas for my 9yo daughter this morning, she immediately got 100 for her attitude of screaming at her brother. Jake (who is 10yo) once worked his was up to over 2,000 jumping jacks because he refused to do them. I knew it was one of those times when I would HAVE to stand my ground. So I did...and he did them. It was not a fun 3 hours, but believe me, he learned that lesson.
_____________________________
My Peculiar World
 
"God spreads grace like a 4 year old spreads peanut butter. He gets it all over everything!" ~Mark Lowry
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 6:29:19 PM
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manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: evegirl22
I completely understand that he is trying to communicate. There are certain things that I will not tolerate, certain tones and attitudes. Those will be punished in the proper manner. I would like him to know that he can talk to me about things, but in a respectful manner and not with a bad attitude.
IMO that's a big ask for a 3yr old to learn all at once, especially when he is only just starting to learn how to express himself, and often doesn't know how to put what he feels into any words, let alone the "right" words and the "right way" to say them.
I'd also suggest that punishment for such things may not always be the most expedient way to deal with such things, and could actually be counterproductive. It could lead to the child feeling like they were not allowed to be angry or upset, and end up repressing those feelings and keeping them inside.
Sometimes time out works better, when they can have time to think.
Or even just ignoring their whining or tantrums totally.
A few times when Jonathan was having a whinefest, I picked him up, threw him over my shoulder, and just tickled him till he was laughing so much he *had* to stop whining!
quote:
I do the countdown. It works for when we need to leave for somewhere, or leaving a playdate or dinner or whatnot. I have tried to make it fun, but he really just is a busy body and doesnt want to slow down for anything. But maybe I might have to come more games or something...
Doing a countdown is not the same thing as giving, say, a 5 or 3 minute warning. The longer period of time gives them time to adjust, whereas a countdown is rather more immediate.
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"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 9:04:13 PM
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evegirl22
Posts: 180
Joined: 10/9/2005
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quote:
IMO that's a big ask for a 3yr old to learn all at once, especially when he is only just starting to learn how to express himself, and often doesn't know how to put what he feels into any words, let alone the "right" words and the "right way" to say them.
I'd also suggest that punishment for such things may not always be the most expedient way to deal with such things, and could actually be counterproductive. It could lead to the child feeling like they were not allowed to be angry or upset, and end up repressing those feelings and keeping them inside.
Sometimes time out works better, when they can have time to think.
Or even just ignoring their whining or tantrums totally.
We do time-outs. We talk about things, when things are bothering him. We allow him to be angry, upset, frusterated, whatever he needs to be. But I do not tolerate being screamed at. If you need to vent about something, then talk to me, dont scream at me. I do ignore la lot of what Matthew does, I allow him to be a normal 3 yr old and havehis tantrums. I try to distract him from them, tickle him, whatever I need to do.
quote:
Doing a countdown is not the same thing as giving, say, a 5 or 3 minute warning. The longer period of time gives them time to adjust, whereas a countdown is rather more immediate.
The countdown is the 3-5 minute warning. I tell him "In 5 minutes we are picking up our toys" and then "3 minutes we are picking up our toys" not the whole counting to 10 thing. Im sorry I said it wrong.
_____________________________
~*Jamie*~
"It's no big thing, my Daddy is the KING!" ~ Paige Henderson
For we walk by faith, not by sight. -- Corinthians 5:7
Mommy to Matthew (9/19/06) and Dylan (10/6/09) [/c
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 9:15:07 PM
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manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: evegirl22
We do time-outs. We talk about things, when things are bothering him. We allow him to be angry, upset, frustrated, whatever he needs to be. But I do not tolerate being screamed at. If you need to vent about something, then talk to me, don't scream at me. I do ignore la lot of what Matthew does, I allow him to be a normal 3 yr old and have his tantrums. I try to distract him from them, tickle him, whatever I need to do.
Whenever Jonathan screamed at me, I'd just pick Jonathan up, not say a word to him, and take him to the bathroom (that was our place for time out). I told him he could scream/yell as much as he liked in there, but that if he wanted to come out, he'd need to stop. Eventually he would walk in there of his own volition, shout, and then come out again smiling, lol.
Once or twice I threw a pretend tantrum myself in response to his, and watched his response. 
It had the desired effect but was too wearing to do on a regular basis!!
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/4/2010 8:35:43 AM
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MamaAng
Posts: 340
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
Oh and attitude adjustment...one thing that we do that works FABULOUS is this: we will give one warning that they need to adjust their attitude, and if they choose not to then we will adjust it for them. Our form of adjusting it is the more physical form...exercise!!! Believe me, until you have had to do jumping jacks in the middle of a store because of hitting your sister with the cart, you just haven't lived!!! I know he is only 3yo, but we use this method with Jack too (who is 3yo) and it works. They have to do the mandatory number that I say, since they didn't adjust their attitude on their own and I have to do it for them. I choose age appropriate numbers though. So for a 3yo I would give 5-10 or so whereas for my 9yo daughter this morning, she immediately got 100 for her attitude of screaming at her brother. Jake (who is 10yo) once worked his was up to over 2,000 jumping jacks because he refused to do them. I knew it was one of those times when I would HAVE to stand my ground. So I did...and he did them. It was not a fun 3 hours, but believe me, he learned that lesson.
I love this idea Sarah. I'm picturing a kid in the middle of the store doing jumping jacks. Awesome picture! I'm going to try this on my 11 yo. His dad uses a similar method but with push ups. I have to admit ds is pretty strong for his age, and it may just be due to the punishments he gets from dad. 
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/4/2010 1:52:31 PM
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NuthouseMama
Posts: 934
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
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I'm might have to try the exercise...I'm beginning to see that my 3yo gets pent up quickly..and his energy turns to bullying.
Jamie, hang in there. No one is a perfect parent. Grace, love, firm guidance. Consistency. You can do this. God gave you your boys, and He will give you what you need to raise them.
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Formerly: Blessedmamaofmany. Still blessed. Just crazier.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/4/2010 3:32:33 PM
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GlassMoonWaltzes
Posts: 2460
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:
Jake (who is 10yo) once worked his was up to over 2,000 jumping jacks because he refused to do them.
I remember that when you were posting about it on facebook (if we're thinking of the same incident)...I think it all started over dishes. I felt like texting him and saying "dude, it's a lot simpler to do the dishes." LOL....but we've all btdt at his age.
I like the exercise idea. Even though it's a little diff. it reminded me of when Tinkerbell told her kids that if they fought in the store, that they would spend the rest of the time in the store holding hands!! I thought that was quite clever!!!
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/4/2010 3:45:55 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1157
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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My name is Tamara and I have 4 boys.
Evan (11)~creative, funny, smart but wants things to be easy, stubborn (gets it from me), and needs a lot of internal control over stuff. If there's one kid that absolutely throws me its usually him.
Isaac (9)~loving, gentle-hearted, disorganized, silly, a deep-thinker, conscientious. He will give anything away because he thinks someone else might like it, even if that person got one also.
Jude (7)~the one who's all boy, jumps on the furniture, talker, sparkly personality, tender to younger children, quick temper, quick smile, the kid who attracts everyone.
Luke (5)~the one who knows he's adored, friendly, persistent (like my husband), stubborn (like me), has a severe seizure disorder and a special diet, also needs a lot of control over things (like E...in fact its hilarious when E tells him how difficult he's being)
We just got over being sick, and I hate it because it's producing a total restart of Luke's diet. I can't get him to eat. Normally that's not a big deal to me but with his diet and disorder not eating means severe seizures, a bottomed out blood sugar, and possibly hospitalization. So I'm just a little stressed. And I have 2 projects due this week for school.
Now that I dropped that little bomb on you I have to say that as difficult as my relationship has been with my oldest son I really, really am starting to enjoy him. He's just...interesting. And he's so much easier to deal with. All the weird rules and being civil to people is starting to sink in with him. It's as if he had to hit his head on that wall on his own. I'm really proud of him.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/8/2010 2:55:38 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1157
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
Status: offline
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How exciting for Anna!
We're doing better. Luke is slowly starting to eat again. I'm just glad that week is over!
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/8/2010 3:04:18 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 2385
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
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My morning routine incentive is catching on! I changed the time to 1:10, and she's had 3 days in a row where she got the treat, and today she had 8 minutes to spare. When she gets distracted I just say, "Remember your minutes." and she hops-to-it again. Yay!
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Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/9/2010 12:00:08 AM
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thisistheday
Posts: 3985
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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Hi! My kids are an 18 (almost 19)yo girl who is married, in college, and expecting her own baby this summer, a 15yo freshman in HS, a 12yo boy (6th grader) and a 6yo kindergarten girl.
Bolt, I'm glad your plan is working for your daughter! My youngest knows that if she is late to kindergarten she gets no computer or TV privileges that evening. Having lost them on occasion, this is a good motivator for her. I do remind her that she doesn't want to be late.
Dee
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Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/9/2010 8:36:02 AM
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pink..
Posts: 11015
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Indiana
Status: online
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DD is having a terrible time with her excema. I'm wondering if it could be related to the foods she eats?
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/9/2010 8:40:16 AM
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MamaAng
Posts: 340
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I am dealing with parents who refuse to understand why I want my children to grow up exposed to a lot less than I was.
*sigh*
So I suppose I'll have one child who has seen it all, and one child who sees and talks about age appropriate things.
Tinkerbell, I sympathize. My mom doesn't understand why having Lifetime on the TV all day isn't appropriate for a 5 or even 11 year old. Ugh! I'm constantly changing the TV channel when I'm at her house, especially because the TV is on 24/7. Fortunately, mom lives many states away and it isn't as big a battle as it could be.
Can you use this as an opportunity to address difficult issues with your kids?
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Angela, mama of 2 lovely children, wife of Eric
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/9/2010 8:40:57 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1891
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pink..
DD is having a terrible time with her excema. I'm wondering if it could be related to the foods she eats?
It could be...but having suffered with eczema, especially during my teens, it can also be caused by air borne allergens and hormone shifts. I was also allergic to my own sweat (and I played sports....wheeeeeee).
Another cause for eczema is not allergen based at all, but rather the body's inability to fully form the fatty acids needed to protect the skin...find her a good moisturizer (Nivea worked for me...but you have to find one that works for her and does not cause reactions) and have her use it after EVERY shower/bath. Also make sure she uses a moisturizing soap such as Dove or Olay's Quench. Contrary to popular belief, bathing daily is NOT a bad thing for eczema sufferers....but it does need to be done carefully....she needs to only wash her WHOLE body with soap every other day (or so)....she can wash "stinky parts" like armpits, feet and personal areas daily... and she needs to use baby oil or other rich lotion emollient after EVERY shower.
Is she on any oral antihistamines for it? My doctor put me on chlor-trimeton. It worked better than benedryl for me.....
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/9/2010 8:41:45 AM
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MamaAng
Posts: 340
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pink..
DD is having a terrible time with her excema. I'm wondering if it could be related to the foods she eats?
DS has eczema, mainly on his elbows and scalp. I didn't know food contributes to the problem.
_____________________________
Angela, mama of 2 lovely children, wife of Eric
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The bolded parts were kind of "ouch" but exactly what I needed to hear! 
Let freedom ring...let the whole world sing...it's independence day!!!! 
. She asked Anna her name, but instead of answering, she said, "I can spell my name a-n-n-a. That's my name." They made a joke of her spelling it and then Mary sang a song about enjoying kids while they are little and the puppet kept petting Anna's hair- which she thought was the coolest. At the end she invited all the kids up to sing the Hippo song (but Eleni was too chicken to go). She also asked for some Daddies to come up to help and then made them sing Matilda the Gorilla with her-LOL! We had a fun night... 
